Category Archives: Personal Commentaries

Last Rights in Utah

In his wisdom and sincerity, Governor Spencer Cox has worked hard to set a political tone of understanding, listening, cooperation, and collaboration. Cox has managed to move a tone to a mantra to gospel to a point where everyone in Utah politics these days seems to be singing from the same hymn book. But not everyone. Unfortunately, some people are faking it. Some political players are lip-syncing their parts.

Apropos, we can trace the music and lyrics within that book back to 2015 a much-lauded-lauded “Utah Compromise” that brought together the state legislature, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and LGBTQ+ advocates Equality Utah. They had so much fun in 2015, they are at it again. Each partner still lip-syncing the same tune. read more

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Can I Get a Hug?

I know I am behind the curve on discovering The Chosen. One of our daughters gave us the DVD for Season 1 two Christmases ago but we never dug out a video player to watch it. Thank you for the thoughtful gift, sweetheart. And sorry for ignoring your love. But I just found it on Prime and we have been binge-watching it for the past week.

If you don’t know the show, it’s about the life and ministry of Jesus — but unlike any other I have ever seen. It feels real, human. Somehow, I can relate to it. And I am not sure how I relate to it. I just feel it. It moves me in the right way — I feel better for having watched it. It almost feels tangibly good, like going to church and partaking in the sacrament (no sacrilege intended). read more

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On Abandonment

“Perseverating” is a word I was unfamiliar with until after six decades of life. It means, in my words, to focus intensely and uncontrollably on past wrongs, embarrassments, and disappointments I not only experienced, but feel I caused as if something still could be done to fix, avoid, or flip the experiences into happy moments.

I perseverate and do so almost daily. Doing so could consume minutes during my day or even an hour or two. I relive very painful moments in my life. Something triggers the memory of that painful moment, regardless of circumstances during the day, and I am off to the races. For instance, I could lose ten minutes of a business meeting due to perseveration. read more

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Ruminations on the LDS Church’s Endorsement of Same-Sex Marriage

These thoughts address two statements by our LDS Church regarding its support for the Respect for Marriage Act (RFMA) – the December 13, 2022, statement from the signing of the bill and the November 15, 2022, endorsement of the bill in the United States Senate.

Statement language in red.

The December 13, 2002, statement:

U.S. President Joe Biden signed the Respect for Marriage Act on Tuesday, Dec. 13. Elder Jack N. Gerard, a General Authority Seventy, and former U.S. Sen. Gordon H. Smith, now an Area Seventy, were in attendance for the signing. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released the following statement on Tuesday, Dec. 13. read more

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How to Acquire Greed in God’s Sacred Name: A Case Study

Inspired by Hugh Nibley’s short essay, How to Write an Anti-Mormon Book, for years I have meant to write a response to a former employer’s screed in favor of greed. This former employer shall remain anonymous, partly out of a bit of contextual respect and partly because anyone who defends greed in public likely would defend it in court. Suffice it to say he was a salesman extraordinaire for get-rich-quick schemes. And my interest in his remarks is because he identified as a faithful Latter-day Saint. read more

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Not Approaching Zion

Every other month, we receive a copy of LDS Living magazine, I suppose because we shop at the Deseret Book store. Each issue is filled with uplifting stories about LDS personalities or LDS who have overcome great hardships with inspiring stories. Notwithstanding those People magazine-type articles, LDS Living is a commercial for the LDS Church. But not just the LDS Church. LDS Living is a commercial for LDS products — you know, food storage, Holy Land tours, comfort foods, religious conferences, event venues, and, of course, products from Deseret Book. And, not oddly but uniquely, addiction treatment centers and fertility clinics advertise on its pages. read more

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Did My Church Have Me Fired? A Theory.

Writing about leaving a state you’ve resided in for 20 years, through my career’s apex and raising our children through their most formative years, is difficult. We loved Utah and then we did not. There are personal reasons – emotional, spiritual, mental, and even heartbreaking. There are professional reasons – intellectual, relevancy, efficacy, expectations, and even betrayals. These reasons and more finally persuaded me to leave behind dear family and friends. My wife too, grandmother to 17 of 20 grandchildren living close by, was done with Utah. read more

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Unworthy: Missing Chapter #4

Excited to move to Utah to begin my education at Brigham Young University (BYU), I received a rather annoying piece of advice. “Whatever you see or hear, just remember, the Church is true.” I was astonished, even took some umbrage, at the thought that my BYU experience – more so my new life in Zion – would be anything but uplifting.

That was 1980. I graduated in 1984. In between was an eye-opening broadside to my “Gospel sensibilities.” My BYU experience matched my academic GPA – conspicuously average. Nearly every interesting thing I did, I did on my own. The Harold B. Lee Library was my playground, especially the 4th floor containing everything political and the “special collections” room wherein treasures of LDS history awaited. read more

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Unworthy: Missing Chapter #3

I think he’s an asshole.

My SIL is not wrong. Nor is he alone in his opinion. Most of the book prior to these chapters is a testament to this reality. But Unworthy also explains why — the sources of my expressing ass-holier-than-thou thoughts. Even so, I’m not quite sure all of my new understanding and “scary” self-awareness would have changed anything between my SIL and me.

I do not begrudge my SIL’s venting. Nor do I begrudge him his pain. Believing his narrative, as he does, would demand the tone and form of his attack. I get it. I do. And his adamant desire to sever ties with me is a natural conclusion to his narrative. Hey, look, I have written too many “fuck you” letters in my life, personal and professional, to not understand his to me. read more

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Unworthy: Missing Chapter #2

 

I don’t care if this makes you sad. Almost everything about you makes me sad. I think you’re small. I think you’re a bigot. I think you’re a bully. I’m certain you’re an ideologue…It’s hard not to be impressed by [your] utter lack of self-awareness…

 Well, I guess this is what you call burning an already rickety-ass bridge. I told you many years ago that me and my family would be just fine without you in our lives. That remains true today.

The Imposter is made for moments like these. Regardless of how I apply every bit of context to my SIL’s words, they hurt, they successfully made me feel less-than, and they immediately began to work on my memories. I racked my brain. What beyond my early letter to him could make him feel this way, communicate it now after 20 years, and leave him in a position unable to forgive anything? read more

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